Mixed with the usual strangely awesome computers I have, strange views of others I know, and erratic storyline. She was slender but fit. Brunette, slightly wavy. Wider set eyes. She was naturally beautiful.
I love and hate these dreams, when I think of her smile, it genuinely makes me feel happy. When I think of how this happens a few times a year I long for a reality of the love I felt.
So, dreams.. I dont remember them, have them, let people live in them etc..
I was at a friends birthday party maybe?
There was a new nikon camera, point and shoot size more square than rectangle.
It had a 1.5 - 2in LCD on the back for image review. It did not have live video it had a separate viewfinder for aligning a shot like an older point and shoot. Th AMAZING thing about this camera was that it wasnt really a digital camera, it would actually shoot on film, and develop it instantly inside the camera onto individual slides.
The digital detector would actually receive behind the film and interpret the image that way, so it was just for review, but the small images would get stored to a micro SD card.
It was black with a few occasional silver highlights, but had a texture to it like the “leather” wrap around on 60’s-80’s film point/shoots and SLRs
Funny I don’t recall much of the party. I think I ended up with a pet dog in the dream.
I still want that damn camera.
Attached is a quick sketch of said camera.
Tonight I met someone who helped me(without knowing) to realize that my memory has not been going back down the hole I thought it was, but that I really just don’t care about what anybody talks about.
Our conversations consisted of what we do for careers and what in that we are passionate about. I heard and recall everything she talked about, in a field I actually know little to nothing about. I legitimately learned quite a bit.
Thank you, for being a person of drive, motivation, and passionate scientific interest.
Thank you for legitimately listening and learning to my side of the same.
Also, thank you for being incredibly beautiful as well, and exchanging numbers with me in hopes of future ramblings of awesome.
A story of sorts, a yarn, a tale, a what-have-you, but something that needs to be fully taken down.
Sometime in my early teens I was on a few medications, one for my knees (presumably arthritis), one for my stomach an intestinal issues, and one for my migraines.
For brief periods I was tried on different daily preventative migraine medications (beta-blockers). Some worked better than others; mostly they didn’t work at all.
At some point I was becoming very forgetful, I was losing track of many things throughout the day and often days throughout the week. I was beginning to forget past events, and eventually immediate events.
-Leaving a class with a binder and books in hand and wondering if I was going to, or coming from the class stated on my materials.
-Coming home from school with homework papers in my pocket and thinking, did I go to school today? are these from yesterday?
-Having my sister or mother attempt to reminisce of a childhood memory, only to have me stare confused, and go along with it as best I could.
This was left as a draft for too long and I wont touch it. Posting now, without re-reading first.
At a crossroads. The choices in front of me traverse both space and time. The directions are not quantifiable by what we understand to be physics. The end results are all parallel, but yet infinitely diverse. No path is direct, but rather almost in some way sinusoidal.
It’s time I let both of me be who they are. It is time I stopped trying suppress one while struggling to be another. I’m sick of trying to combine two people, it worked “reletively” well for the past few years, but enough is enough. It’s time both got what they wanted, when one has precedence on a situation, it will lead.
This is all based on having lost my memory at the age of11(ish) and losing all preceding events until them slowly falling back into flooding in from the age of 19 to 23/24. During the time in between a new person grew, and grew strong. Highly social development years lead to a very persistent personality. (currently I am 26.5)
These two disagree on very many topics, how to proceed, and what is more morally acceptable. While I will always be a person of high morals, one of me is very much more strict with it. This causes a lack of spine in some senses and a lack of kindness in others. This balance was damned near impossible to get, and thus why I am going to try letting each be themselves.
Who knows, for all I know I could end up finally melding together by the time I am 60.
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